Today I am remembering the promises of God. Let me start off by saying that I am writing to you from a place of pain and spiritual warfare and I would greatly appreciate your prayers.
Many of you have been on this journey through my gallbladder pain for over a year. And I so appreciate those of you who I have stood by me in prayer. I have truly seen the hand of God at work.
I know that some of you don't understand why I have taken the position and path that I have on this issue, but it's for one simple reason. God has told me and confirmed to me many times over the past year that the problems with my gallbladder are a physical representation of a spiritual problem and that when I have dealt with the spiritual problem, He will heal me completely. Let me assure you that this scared no one more than me (after all, it is my body that feels the pain), but I have seen God at work in incredible, sovereign ways over the past year.
Last year over Thanksgiving weekend I experienced a particularly painful attack and was literally on the verge of calling the surgeon the following Monday to schedule the removal of my gallbladder. I was so tired of the pain. But God spoke directly to me and told me that if I removed the gallbladder I would be short-circuiting the work that He was trying to accomplish in me. And so, I waited. The attacks began to subside after Christmas, and really between mid-end of January to mid-July, I had very little trouble at all. Then in July, shortly after returning the mission trip to Nicaragua, I experienced three straight days of pain and God told me, "You still haven't done what you know you need to do" (to make the changes He had made clear I was to make). I was so frustrated because I felt like I had been doing my best and had made progress. This feeling of frustration continued through the summer as I felt like I was really making spiritual progress (although I now realize I was "working" at it the wrong way), but no healing and sense of completion came.
Over the summer, I participated in my first Beth Moore study, on Esther, and while doing the study I decided I wanted to next do her Breaking Free study, and bought the book. Then, a few weeks later I found out that Breaking Free was going to be the women's Bible study offered by McLean Loudoun this fall. I knew without a doubt that this was the hand of God and I knew I had to do that study. So, I have.
Now, from the position of being almost done with the study, I can tell you that I understand WHY I needed to do this study, WHY it needed to be this fall and not earlier, and WHY the healing has not yet come for my gallbladder. God opened my eyes to see the truth of my situation, and I have been humbled and amazed. I am in awe of the mercy and kindness of God. When I could clearly see the lies that I have been believing (that led to the spiritual issue that this has all been about), I was so struck by God's mercy and kindness in dealing with me in the way that He has. He gently led me to the truth and opened my eyes to see it. I can only thank Him for His patience with me and apply myself to tearing down the lies I have believed and re-papering the walls of my mind with God's truth.
As would be expected when a captive (ME!) is approaching being released from the prison of captivity and spiritual freedom that our Enemy would go into hyper-activity to do what he can to prevent the release. I have been experiencing a lot of physical pain related to my gallbladder and digestive system in the past several weeks (coinciding with God's revelation of truth to me) and fully believe it to be spiritual warfare. But I am not going to let Satan win this one. I will be free, by the grace and power of God. And in God's perfect timing (which I believe is soon approaching), I will experience complete healing and redemption in my physical body. God has promised it, and I believe Him.
This is the passage that God reminded me of this morning. A powerful promise that He has spoken to me many times in the past, but I thank Him for the reminder today.
2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.
3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.
God is faithful and I trust Him completely. Your prayers on my behalf as this spiritual battle wages and nears its end are much appreciated.
in the course of time
1 month ago