Friday, December 9, 2011

Things I'm Thankful For

For a few beautiful weeks this year I thought I would be having a baby (girl) this week.  Sunday was my official due date, but I probably would have delivered early, which means if I'd had things my way, I would probably already have been holding a beautiful new child and been in love all over again.  But it wasn't my way.  However, believe it or not, I am actually thankful that this did not turn out my way.  Obviously I don't mean I don't wish for that fourth child.  But this year was clearly not God's timing for that.  And here's a few reasons why.

1. Over the summer, God made it clear that it was time for me to have my gallbladder removed.  I could not have had it out while pregnant (except in the case of an emergency) and I am so THANKFUL that it is gone!  I am almost pain-free in that department, other than some residual nerve issues, and am so thankful to no longer be dealing with the horrible pain that plagued me for years.

2. Since this spring, God has brought significant change and healing to our marriage.  Perhaps this could also have been achieved while I was pregnant, but pregnancy changes things and I'll never know for sure.  So, instead I'll just be thankful to Him for giving us the time and opportunities to make some changes.  God has dramatically changed our relationship in several ways and has dramatically changed me as a person and a wife and I am so thankful.

3. Lyme Disease.  Need I say more?  But I will...not only does having Lyme make one completely exhausted and barely able to function some days, it also is transferable through the placenta to the baby.  If I had had been pregnant when I contracted Lyme this Fall, not only would the added stress on my body from the exhaustion been horrendous, but I would not have been able to have been treated with the first kind of antibiotics that are always used with Lyme and would have had to worry about giving birth to a child with Lyme Disease in her blood.  And I cannot imagine being in the later months of a pregnancy with both Philip and I being so wiped out and still being able to care for our three children and Philip continue working.

As much as I wanted that baby, I am thankful for God's sovereignty on not allowing it for this season.  Instead, our number of children in Heaven exceeds the number here on earth for now.  Who knows how Heaven works as new souls arrive, but perhaps God allowed our last lost son, Luke, who would have turned two this week, to welcome our new little into the presence of God.

His Will Be Done.