Mission Successful!

In case you're all dying to know what happened as the result of our changing the way our boys earn treat and video privileges, I am pleased to report our plan was genius.  Suddenly, the boys' floors are always clean (except when they are actively playing), beds are neatly made, they are loading and unloading the dishwasher most of the time, folding the laundry and occasionally helping with other household chores.  Pure genius.  Since they are unable to have a treat or watch a video without having the points to pay for it and the only way to earn points is by doing the above, we have created a situation where work is required.  It makes them happy because they are still getting their privileges AND it has taught them to be a little more picky: i.e. if they don't love the treat options, they will save the points and not have one.  It makes me happy because I can see their carpets and they suddenly learned they WERE able to make their beds neatly! After all, a sloppy bed doesn't earn as many points as a neat one. :)  It's also made me more proactive about finding/leaving jobs for them to do, rather than just doing things myself.

In case you're interested, here's the system.  A few other notes on it.
1. If they don't have a clean room/made bed when we check, they lose the points they would have earned
2. If they lost a privilege during the day by bad behavior, they still have to pay the points as if they had gotten the privilege.

Rewards Chart

Treat After Dinner	10
Watch a Video	15
Exchange for Money                (50 points per dollar)

Point Earning Chart

Do 15 Minutes Worth of Chores, assigned by parent	15
Make Bed and put all clothes folded or hung in place	5/-5
Floor Clean, Books on shelf, Papers put away	10/-10
Set the Table (plates, forks, knives)	3
Clear the Table	3
Load the Dishwasher	3
Dustbust under Kitchen Table	3
Help make dinner	5
Unload the Dishwasher (5 for dishes, 6 for silverware)	11
Sort, Fold, Put away Laundry	10
Vacuum the entryway and kitchen with vacuum cleaner	15
Clean five windows or scrub walls and doors with cloth	20
Organize books on a bookcase	10
Clean the Bathroom (with Dad)	20
Organize and clean up toys in the basement	20
Memorize a chapter of the Bible (7-10 verses)	100

As for my productivity level, I have been doing better about staying on top of proactive chores, although the last two weeks have been bad Lyme weeks for me, so it has been challenging some days.  But I am working on it!

Grumpy

Anyone ever get grumpy about doing their job?  Don't judge me...I sometimes do!  Don't get me wrong, I love and enjoy many things about being a wife, mom and home maker.  BUT, most of the time I wish that my job description regarding the house read: "Keep from becoming a complete disaster and clean for impending company." However, I have been very convicted over the last few weeks that that's not actually what my job description says.  It actually says something more like: "Keep the house as clean and clutter-free as possible, while also teaching the children to live neatly and value organization."  Gulp.  Not doing such a good job with that.  But, I have had some light bulb moments recently.  Some of them are:

1. I am my most productive in the mornings.  This is why I have often felt I have to choose between accomplishing something or schooling the boys on a particular day.  I've realized this is because I really struggle to be productive in the afternoons.  It has definitely been made worse by the fatigue that comes with Lyme, but I think I have always had this tendency.  I often will get a "second wind" in the evening and do work projects then, but not always.

2. I need to do a better job of consistently doing general upkeep on the house so that the problem areas don't get out of control.

3. I need to do a better job of teaching my children to keep their things orderly and to train them to be helpers around the house.

4. I spend too much time "under the line" (i.e. quadrant's 3 and 4), according to Steven Covey's Time Management Matrix, see below.  While the matrix doesn't specifically speak to a mom who stays home with her children, you can figure out where most of the things that fill our days fall.  Some words to help further describe these quadrants are #1 Necessity, #2 Proactive and Productive, #3 Deception (they feel urgent, but aren't) and #4 Waste.

People tend to see me as a very organized person, which I guess is true in a lot of ways.  So, I do really well on urgent, important matters.  If something NEEDS to get done, I get it done.  Period.  Where I have been having a problem is with the things that would fall into quadrant two: proactive productivity, which in my house would mean general cleaning, organizing, de-cluttering and intentional time with the boys.

So, what I am doing to improve?  First, I've been honest with myself and raised the expectations for what needs to be happening around here on a regular basis. Second, I am "requiring" myself to do at least one "proactive" task a day, usually in the afternoon when I normally would not be productive.  Today that means cleaning the main floor bathroom before small group tonight so that it doesn't smell like a bunch of boys use it.  (They do, which is why it smells that way...)  Third, I completed a huge purge, de-clutter and organization of the older boys' rooms and we set expectations for how they need to keep it clean...tied to an incentive.  More on that later.  Lastly, I have committed myself to training my boys to be better helpers with the upkeep of the house.  The older two especially are old enough to help significantly.

So,the incentive?  The boys are able to "earn" the privilege of watching a 30 minute video and having a treat after dinner.  This system has been in place for a long time, but has generally been tied to them having reasonably good behavior and not "un-earning" the privilege rather than really earning it.  We've changed that. They are now on a point system where if they don't make their beds and have clean floors and surface areas at the end of the day, they lose points.  On the other hand, if they have done those things, they earn points.   But only enough to either have a treat OR watch a video.  If they want to do both, the will have to complete a work project to earn additional points by helping out around the house: cleaning bathrooms, organizing bookshelves, vacuuming, etc.

So far, so good.  I've been accomplishing things in the afternoons and making my way through some big projects around the house and the boys have been motivated to look for ways to be helpers, as well as to keep their own spaces organized and neat.  So, here's hoping this becomes habit and that if you happen to drop in on us on short notice from here on out that you'll find a mostly neat house instead of a mostly messy one!

While I'm Waiting...again

John Waller's song While I'm Waiting is another that has continued to resonate with me time after time.  Perhaps this is because the last few years have felt like one waiting period after another.  I was reflecting on this the other day and realized that this is probably true for a lot of people: we're always waiting for something.  This is not always a bad thing, but I think this song has most often spoken to me when the something seems impossible.  And that would be the case right now, in more than one situation.  God has laid something on our hearts that is Big and Dramatic and Scary!  And tied into it are so many pieces that are completely out of our control.  In fact, most of it is completely out of our control.  Now being somewhat of a perfectionist and control freak (ok, maybe not somewhat, but I really am learning to let go of things!), I strongly dislike loose ends.  When we decide to go on a trip somewhere, even months in advance, I can't stand to not have everything booked as soon as possible.  It drives me nuts when decisions take weeks or months to nail down.  But now, ahhhh, God is asking me to HANG for quite a while without knowing WHAT is going to happen and WHEN!  Can we say this is an opportunity to keep my hands off and PRAY?  I don't when I have ever felt so challenged to earnestly pray for God's direction and wisdom.

Now, granted, there are some things that we can do while we're waiting, and so we shall endeavor to be good stewards of this "waiting time" that He has given us so that when He says "It's time" we're ready to roll.

Honestly, the desire that He has put on my heart seems impossible.  With that in mind, I was so thankful when my Bible Study this week highlighted how God's ability to make the impossible happen isn't reliant on our ability to believe that He can do it.  He's not inhibited by lack our of faith.  Thank goodness.  Or should I say, Thank You, God.

I have seen over and over in my life that when God places a desire on my heart, He makes it come to fruition in His perfect timing.  And I trust that He will do the same in this situation, even as I sit here wondering (from a human standpoint) how that's possible.  But here's what I know from a spiritual standpoint:

-He will provide (Gen 22:14)
-He will fight for us (Ex 14:14)
-He will give us wisdom when we ask (James 1:5)
-He will work everything for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28)
-Nothing is impossible for Him! (Luke 1:37)

And so we move to a period of waiting...again.  And as the song says, we will serve and worship and be still as we wait for the Lord.

Things I'm Thankful For

For a few beautiful weeks this year I thought I would be having a baby (girl) this week.  Sunday was my official due date, but I probably would have delivered early, which means if I'd had things my way, I would probably already have been holding a beautiful new child and been in love all over again.  But it wasn't my way.  However, believe it or not, I am actually thankful that this did not turn out my way.  Obviously I don't mean I don't wish for that fourth child.  But this year was clearly not God's timing for that.  And here's a few reasons why.

1. Over the summer, God made it clear that it was time for me to have my gallbladder removed.  I could not have had it out while pregnant (except in the case of an emergency) and I am so THANKFUL that it is gone!  I am almost pain-free in that department, other than some residual nerve issues, and am so thankful to no longer be dealing with the horrible pain that plagued me for years.

2. Since this spring, God has brought significant change and healing to our marriage.  Perhaps this could also have been achieved while I was pregnant, but pregnancy changes things and I'll never know for sure.  So, instead I'll just be thankful to Him for giving us the time and opportunities to make some changes.  God has dramatically changed our relationship in several ways and has dramatically changed me as a person and a wife and I am so thankful.

3. Lyme Disease.  Need I say more?  But I will...not only does having Lyme make one completely exhausted and barely able to function some days, it also is transferable through the placenta to the baby.  If I had had been pregnant when I contracted Lyme this Fall, not only would the added stress on my body from the exhaustion been horrendous, but I would not have been able to have been treated with the first kind of antibiotics that are always used with Lyme and would have had to worry about giving birth to a child with Lyme Disease in her blood.  And I cannot imagine being in the later months of a pregnancy with both Philip and I being so wiped out and still being able to care for our three children and Philip continue working.

As much as I wanted that baby, I am thankful for God's sovereignty on not allowing it for this season.  Instead, our number of children in Heaven exceeds the number here on earth for now.  Who knows how Heaven works as new souls arrive, but perhaps God allowed our last lost son, Luke, who would have turned two this week, to welcome our new little into the presence of God.

His Will Be Done.

Happy...and Sad

This must be a good time of year for lots of folks.  Facebook is full of pictures of weddings and big baby bellies and cute new arrivals.  I have many, many friends having babies this year and next.  I have one friend having a baby as I type right now!  It's a beautiful thing really, especially as for many friends this is their first child, and I am so happy for them.  There is nothing like having that first baby.  I am looking at mine right now...he'll be 8 in a few days.  I was so young when he was born that I think I hardly appreciated the awe and wonder of becoming a mom for the first time.  Or maybe even the second time.  Andrew was a different story.  Losing two pregnancies before having Andrew taught me a lot about how precious each child is and how much of a blessing it is to be gifted with another child to raise.

Even after losing the two babies between Joshua and Andrew I don't remember ever doubting that I would eventually have another child.  I didn't know when it when be, but I knew he was coming.  But now I feel like I am in a different place.  I am honestly and truly wondering if I will ever be blessed with another child via my own pregnancy.  And that is a really hard idea to swallow.  I have lost two more babies since Andrew was born, but that's not really what this is about.  It's more about my body and just not knowing what's going on with it.  First we had to deal with the gallbladder problem and all the complications associated with it.  Now that problem is mercifully gone, but in it's place I apparently have some internal scarring near the surgery site that I wonder what will happen to if I were pregnant again.  And then there is this mysterious sickness that I am currently suffering from.  Perhaps the antibiotics will take care of this and in a month or two I'll read back over this entry and laugh at how faithless and silly I was to doubt that my body would be ok for another pregnancy any time in the near future.  But I am not in that position right now.  And I guess that's not the position God wants me in.

I sense that He's trying to do something in me with regard to my view of more children, but I can't see the end of it yet.  And as is often the case when I'm in the middle of something God is teaching me, it hurts.  It hurts so much that I have actually started crying several times recently as I have looked at Andrew and my heart has just ached at the possibility of never bearing another child.  How far I have come from the years when I just had to get looked at by Philip to get pregnant and not feeling sure I was ready to struggling with being able to conceive and sustain a pregnancy.  My heart has certainly changed and I can now understand to some degree the pain and longing that those who are truly infertile deal with.  The empty arms and the longing heart.  My arms and heart aren't truly empty...in fact they are very full with three beautiful sons.  But in my heart I know there are more children that are meant to fill our home and my heart aches and longs for them.

From one of my favorite chapters in the Bible: Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Today I am thankful for this promise.


And I am happy for all those new lives coming in to the world.  Those babies have some special parents. :)

Sick

Philip and I are sick.  We don't know why.  We wish we knew why.  We hope the antibiotics we're on are going to kill this thing dead.  Forever.  But we might be a little worried that it won't.  We suspect it might be Lyme (although so far the tests are not confirming this, which is probably a good thing).  We thought it might be mold, but that's not looking too probable at this point.  It's responding to antibiotics.  So what IS it?  We'd appreciate your prayers that we're able to identify what this is and eradicate it.  And please pray it's not Lyme.  That nasty stuff is life-altering and I'd really like to have more babies, God willing.  It's more than a little scary not knowing what's making you sick when the symptoms make living life and working at a job challenging.  So we're praying for God to heal us and we're praying for us to trust Him while we wait for answers.   Thanks for praying with us.

Birthday Boys

Philip and Caleb have birthdays 10 days apart, so we celebrated them both last week.  I had been so tired in the days and weeks preceding Philip's birthday (since our Niagara trip, really) that it was destined to not be much to write home about.  I had been planning to make him a cheesecake, but the day before I had to negotiate him down for brownies.  I didn't have the energy to make cheesecake.  His brownies barely even got iced I had so little energy on Thursday.  And we didn't get a picture, so don't ask.  I haven't even written his birthday card yet.  Sad.  The good news is that I started on an antibiotic on Thursday night and by Friday had some energy and by Saturday morning I had enough energy to work too hard and restrain my internal scar tissue from my surgery.  Go Angela.  Anyway, I was able to decorate Caleb's cake in an ocean theme, which is what he asked for, and get gifts wrapped and the house cleaned before our guests arrived at noon.  Sounds like no big thing, but when you've been feeling like death warmed over for a while...it was a big thing.

Philip, Caleb and Joshua went camping with another dad and his sons on Friday night as Phase 1 of the birthday celebration.  Then we all assembled here Saturday for lunch, play time and cake and ice cream.  It was low-key, but everyone had a good time, even the three year olds. :)

I can't believe Caleb is 8 (or will be in a few days).  As they say, the days have dragged, but the years have flown.  There are so many great things about having an 8 year old.  We are really enjoying the greater maturity and his ability to really participate with many activities.  We're so thankful for him!

The birthday boys

Caleb kept laughing and the air from his nose blew out half the candles.  The irony is that when he tried to blow the candles out, he had trouble!  

Playing one of the new games Caleb received: Pathwords.  He loves games that require thinking!  And Joshua, well, he loves being Joshua.

Happy 8th Birthday, Caleb!  We love you!

P.S. I love Philip, too.  We're just not quite as excited at his getting old. :)
P.P.S. I will be making Philip a cheesecake one of these days.  Probably.