Saturday, December 12, 2009

Not As OK As I Thought

Grief is an interesting thing.  What amazes me most about it is how it can sneak up on you almost unawares.  And how you can "feel" fine, and then be overcome by tears the next minute.  My baby was due on Tuesday, but he probably would have been born in the last few days.  I really am at peace with losing him, and if you receive a copy of our Christmas letter in the next week or so, you'll see how God has used his precious, short life in my life in amazing ways.  YET, this weekend, I am on the verge of tears.  Deep ones.  Not just the little little ones.  I am doing my best not to suppress them when they come, because I've done that before and I have learned that suppressing grief doesn't help you deal with it.

Also coming out of nowhere this weekend are hormones.  Close your eyes if you're a male, but I don't usually experience PMS.  But this weekend, I am just full of sticklers. How's that for diplomatic? :)  Just not myself.  Not that I am mad about it, but it's kind of a cruel thing of my body to make me go through this right at the time when I would have been experiencing joy over what my body had done.  Maybe that's why it's putting me through this.  Perhaps it's my body's way of grieving our loss. 

So, if you see me in the next few days.  Watch out...I might cry.  But just let me, ok?  I need to.

3 comments:

Anne LoGrasso said...

I'm praying for ya, girl. Tears definitely have a way of making us feel better.

Jeannie said...

I know you know this---but you are not alone, God is walking right along side of you at every moment. :)

Matthew, Eve, Noah, and Noelle Middleton said...

thinking of and praying for you today, Angela. I hope last night brought you some extra joy to last you through the week :)