Happy...and Sad

This must be a good time of year for lots of folks.  Facebook is full of pictures of weddings and big baby bellies and cute new arrivals.  I have many, many friends having babies this year and next.  I have one friend having a baby as I type right now!  It's a beautiful thing really, especially as for many friends this is their first child, and I am so happy for them.  There is nothing like having that first baby.  I am looking at mine right now...he'll be 8 in a few days.  I was so young when he was born that I think I hardly appreciated the awe and wonder of becoming a mom for the first time.  Or maybe even the second time.  Andrew was a different story.  Losing two pregnancies before having Andrew taught me a lot about how precious each child is and how much of a blessing it is to be gifted with another child to raise.

Even after losing the two babies between Joshua and Andrew I don't remember ever doubting that I would eventually have another child.  I didn't know when it when be, but I knew he was coming.  But now I feel like I am in a different place.  I am honestly and truly wondering if I will ever be blessed with another child via my own pregnancy.  And that is a really hard idea to swallow.  I have lost two more babies since Andrew was born, but that's not really what this is about.  It's more about my body and just not knowing what's going on with it.  First we had to deal with the gallbladder problem and all the complications associated with it.  Now that problem is mercifully gone, but in it's place I apparently have some internal scarring near the surgery site that I wonder what will happen to if I were pregnant again.  And then there is this mysterious sickness that I am currently suffering from.  Perhaps the antibiotics will take care of this and in a month or two I'll read back over this entry and laugh at how faithless and silly I was to doubt that my body would be ok for another pregnancy any time in the near future.  But I am not in that position right now.  And I guess that's not the position God wants me in.

I sense that He's trying to do something in me with regard to my view of more children, but I can't see the end of it yet.  And as is often the case when I'm in the middle of something God is teaching me, it hurts.  It hurts so much that I have actually started crying several times recently as I have looked at Andrew and my heart has just ached at the possibility of never bearing another child.  How far I have come from the years when I just had to get looked at by Philip to get pregnant and not feeling sure I was ready to struggling with being able to conceive and sustain a pregnancy.  My heart has certainly changed and I can now understand to some degree the pain and longing that those who are truly infertile deal with.  The empty arms and the longing heart.  My arms and heart aren't truly empty...in fact they are very full with three beautiful sons.  But in my heart I know there are more children that are meant to fill our home and my heart aches and longs for them.

From one of my favorite chapters in the Bible: Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Today I am thankful for this promise.


And I am happy for all those new lives coming in to the world.  Those babies have some special parents. :)

Sick

Philip and I are sick.  We don't know why.  We wish we knew why.  We hope the antibiotics we're on are going to kill this thing dead.  Forever.  But we might be a little worried that it won't.  We suspect it might be Lyme (although so far the tests are not confirming this, which is probably a good thing).  We thought it might be mold, but that's not looking too probable at this point.  It's responding to antibiotics.  So what IS it?  We'd appreciate your prayers that we're able to identify what this is and eradicate it.  And please pray it's not Lyme.  That nasty stuff is life-altering and I'd really like to have more babies, God willing.  It's more than a little scary not knowing what's making you sick when the symptoms make living life and working at a job challenging.  So we're praying for God to heal us and we're praying for us to trust Him while we wait for answers.   Thanks for praying with us.

Birthday Boys

Philip and Caleb have birthdays 10 days apart, so we celebrated them both last week.  I had been so tired in the days and weeks preceding Philip's birthday (since our Niagara trip, really) that it was destined to not be much to write home about.  I had been planning to make him a cheesecake, but the day before I had to negotiate him down for brownies.  I didn't have the energy to make cheesecake.  His brownies barely even got iced I had so little energy on Thursday.  And we didn't get a picture, so don't ask.  I haven't even written his birthday card yet.  Sad.  The good news is that I started on an antibiotic on Thursday night and by Friday had some energy and by Saturday morning I had enough energy to work too hard and restrain my internal scar tissue from my surgery.  Go Angela.  Anyway, I was able to decorate Caleb's cake in an ocean theme, which is what he asked for, and get gifts wrapped and the house cleaned before our guests arrived at noon.  Sounds like no big thing, but when you've been feeling like death warmed over for a while...it was a big thing.

Philip, Caleb and Joshua went camping with another dad and his sons on Friday night as Phase 1 of the birthday celebration.  Then we all assembled here Saturday for lunch, play time and cake and ice cream.  It was low-key, but everyone had a good time, even the three year olds. :)

I can't believe Caleb is 8 (or will be in a few days).  As they say, the days have dragged, but the years have flown.  There are so many great things about having an 8 year old.  We are really enjoying the greater maturity and his ability to really participate with many activities.  We're so thankful for him!

The birthday boys

Caleb kept laughing and the air from his nose blew out half the candles.  The irony is that when he tried to blow the candles out, he had trouble!  

Playing one of the new games Caleb received: Pathwords.  He loves games that require thinking!  And Joshua, well, he loves being Joshua.

Happy 8th Birthday, Caleb!  We love you!

P.S. I love Philip, too.  We're just not quite as excited at his getting old. :)
P.P.S. I will be making Philip a cheesecake one of these days.  Probably.

It's Back!

Poor Joshua left his treasured "Bibi" (blanket) in his bed at the hotel we stayed at in Toronto.  Note to self: always check the sheets for kids sleeping items before leaving a hotel.  Lesson learned on that one.  We realized we had left it when we reached Buffalo the following evening.  I was really worried at this point as to whether ANY of us would be getting sleep that night since the blanket (which had recently been renamed "Bubba" after the blanket of a character in a book we recently read) was an important part of Joshua's ability to go to sleep.  However, he handled it very well for a six year old and soon accepted one of Andrew's little blankets as an replacement and went to sleep.

Unfortunately, while I was able to call the hotel and immediately verify that they had found the blanket and were holding it in "Lost and Found", they were unwilling to help us get it back.  We would have to send a courier who would provide their own packing materials to come get the blanket, package it up, fill out the customs form, etc.  So much for friendly Canadians. I couldn't believe they wouldn't at least box it up.  The rest would have been easy at the point.  But no. :(  And so we wondered if we would ever get it back.

Enter my local friend Jess whose husband is Canadian and had some friends in the Toronto area.  They were able to locate one who was willing to go get the blanket and mail it for us.  Joshua knew it was coming and for days whenever a package arrived (which was often), he would ask "Is that Bubba?!"  But no, it never was.  Finally on Friday afternoon just as the boys were headed out to go camping...it arrived!  Here are the happily reunited pair:

So MUCH for friendly Canadians!  Chris, we're so thankful for your efforts on our behalf!  Don't think we'll ever be staying at the Park Inn in Toronto again, but we sure are grateful for the kindness of strangers.

Bakin' Stuff - Sandwich Cookies

This fall, well really the last few weeks, I've been hooked on sandwich cookies.  I made some last at least a year ago...they are just so much more time consuming than regular cookies I didn't make them again until about 10 days ago...and then I remembered how yummy they are.  I first remade the ones from last year: Oatmeal Peanut Butter Cookies, filled with peanut butter cream and dipped in dark chocolate.

Then I got to thinking.  What other kind of sandwich cookie could I make?  It's fall, so I thought pumpkin.  That got me thinking about this Gingersnap Pumpkin Cream Pie I've made a few times and so I thought why not try a ginger cookie with pumpkin cream filling.  So, I hunted around for a good ginger cookie recipe.  I finally settled on one that I had made a few years ago and deemed good, but kind of blah.  So I baked them up, discovering that I needed to not flatten them before baking if I wanted a slightly more textured (and more attractive) outside.  Then I tried to make pumpkin cream following the same recipe I used in the peanut butter cookies, but subbing pumpkin for peanut butter.  The problem I had was that pumpkin is much softer than PB, so I had to add a lot more powdered sugar to get it thick enough.  I also added some vanilla and pumpkin pie spice and then said, well, let's give it a go.  I made half the cookies into sandwiches (figuring I should leave some plain in case they were a disaster) and put them in the fridge to get the filling to firm up.  Philip and Caleb tried one a few hours later after dinner and both of them went nuts.  Bear in mind, Philip is NOT a cookie person at all.  I made up the other half and put them in the fridge.  I brought some to a get together the next day and everyone went crazy for them, so I guess I am onto something with the combo.

Sorry, forgot to take a picture until there was one measly cookie left.  This is one of the ones I flattened before cooking and doesn't have as nice of a texture.

SO, if you're also hankerin' for sandwich cookies, here are the recipes I used.

Oatmeal Peanut Butter Cookies: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/oatmeal-peanut-butter-cookies-iii/detail.aspx
I made the following changes: I used slightly more flour, old fashioned oats and flattened with a glass immediately after removing from the oven.  I also made them much smaller.  Using a regular sized cookie scoop you will yield about 40 cookies.  I felt like that size made the cookie too much once filled and dipped, so I used a tiny scoop and got 65-70 cookies.  I found that 1/2 a recipe of the filling was sufficient.  I used a melted dark chocolate chip (ghiradelli) for the dipping.

Big Soft Ginger Cookies: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/big-soft-ginger-cookies/detail.aspx
I made the following changes: I added 50% more spice and used butter, not margarine. I also used 3/4 cup white sugar and 1/4 cup brown sugar.  I froze the dough for 30 minutes before baking.  Again, I used the tiny scoop and I think I got about 60 cookies.  I rolled them in sugar prior to baking...I think next time I'll use a larger grain sugar, not just regular white.  I cooked them on parchment paper and flattened slightly immediately after removing from the oven.  I allowed them to cool on the parchment paper for a few minutes on the cookie sheet, then slide the paper onto the counter top to continue cooling.  This helps lock in the moisture.  To make the filling, I used something along these lines:  1/3-1/2 cup canned pumpkin, 1.5 Tablespoon softened butter, 2 cups powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (guessing on this, just add until it tastes like spices!), maybe 2 Tablespoons of whipping cream and maybe a 1/2 teaspoon or so of vanilla.  This will firm up in the fridge, so you can cool first, or use as is, then refrigerate the cookies.

Good luck!  Let me know if you make them!

Family Photos

We were LONG overdue to have a family picture done.  In fact, the last time we had a family picture "taken" by someone other than a family member, Caleb was about a year old.  And it was at Wal-Mart.  So yeah, it was time.  I kept putting it off for a variety of reasons, including I didn't want to take a picture and a few months later have another child who wasn't in it, but at this point I've given up on trying to schedule around that and figured it was time to just seize the day.  My friend Kristen and her husband lived with us for about six weeks this summer while they were in a housing transition and she's a professional photographer.  So, we figured she'd be a great person to do the pics.  Her prices were reasonable too, so if you're looking to get pictures done, drop her a line.  We went out to a Winery in the middle of nowhere and got some lovely shots.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Those boys o' mine

 

I just love everything about this picture. :)

Two peas in a pod.

Have You Met...

Mr. Putter and Tabby?  These books have been a hit in our house since we first discovered them a couple of years ago.  Now, we have a new little fan.  Andrew, at 3.5, has officially moved on to stories from board books and just loves Mr. Putter and Tabby.  We usually only read two books at nap time, but since discovering these, he usually starts the negotiations at five and we work our way down from there. :)

Our very favorite one from the series is Mr. Putter and Tabby Pick the Pears, but some of our other favorites are Paint the Porch, Stir the Soup, Feed the Fish, See the Stars and Bake the Cake.  Not only are the stories cute and heart warming, but the illustrations are just perfect.  We just love these books and give them frequently as gifts to other little people we love.  The Loudoun County Library carries all of them, so if you haven't read them, go check them out!